Little Mama

I am now 14 weeks and 3 days (ish) along in my pregnancy. It is so different than how I'd always dreamed it would be.


Most people who know me, know that all growing up, all I wanted to be was a mom. In elementary school, when we had to write papers about "What I Want to be When I Grow Up", I would write about being a mommy. It was seriously all I wanted. My dream was to get married as soon as I graduated from high school and start having babies and just be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of my life.

I didn't even go on my first date until I was 19, so obviously that did not happen.

As I got older and watched friends and family get married and have kids, I slowly started to grow away from that idea of my life completely revolving around a family. I began to think of possibly looking into a career dealing with interior design or photography, possibly dabble in graphic design at some point. Eventually, I began to wonder if I ever wanted children of my own at all.

Now, here I am, 24 years old, single, and pregnant. Not at all what I had planned.

When I found out, I was completely shocked. I only took the pregnancy test in the first place because my friend was nice enough to buy it for me. I never really believed this kind of thing would happen to me. So, after I pee'd on the stick and it pretty much immediately said "Pregnant", I just stared in disbelief and said "NO NO NO" over and over again. And I immediately pee'd on another stick. Another all-too-quick positive result. I sat and cried and freaked out for a while.

After my initial shock, I calmed down pretty quickly. I told a few close friends and co-workers as soon as I found out, and while a few of them decided to completely abandon me, there were others who were immediately there by my side, ready to support me and my baby. One thing that amazed and saddened me was how many people immediately asked if I would be having an abortion. Do people really come to that answer so easily? No, thank you. It was never even an option for me. Even though the situation that got me into this mess wasn't all that pleasant, I was not about to murder a child just because it might be a little inconvenient for me to have one at this stage in my life.

That first week was difficult, as I was trying to hide it for a while. I couldn't even tell my parents, yet, because my dad was out of town and I was not about to tell my mother while he was gone. I forced myself to stay up later than I wanted to, made myself choke down whatever was for supper whether my pregnant body wanted it or not, and tried to cry only when my mother was not around, so as not to raise suspicion. Once my dad was back home and I broke the news, the first few days were a little awkward, but I knew my family was there to love and support me. They've been here for me as I suffer my all-day-and-night morning sickness, they've gone yard saling with me to look for inexpensive maternity clothes (who knew my belly would grow so quickly?!), and they pray for me as I go through this strange and sometimes difficult journey.

People often ask me if I've been getting crazy cravings. I think with my constant nausea/heartburn, my body just doesn't even want to consider eating most of the time. The only instances of "cravings" I've had so far are either in my dreams or if I see something and think I might be able to eat it. Early in my pregnancy, I dreamed all night about a milkshake - the entire dream I was trying to decide which flavors and mix-ins to get. I finally chose some sort of delicious combination, but woke up before I actually got the milkshake! So, the next day, I couldn't stop thinking about milkshakes and finally stopped to get one on my way home. The next week I dreamed about tortilla chips and the following day, of course, I happily ate some throughout the day. A few weeks ago, my niece left one of her pretend play foods on the couch, and it just happened to be a little plastic E.L. Fudge cookie. I saw it and immediately wanted to eat it! So, on our way to the park, we stopped at Giant and picked some up.

I've definitely been suffering from plenty of "morning sickness" (although that is the stupidest name for it ever, as it lasts all day and night). It seems worse the earlier I get up in the mornings, which is no fun when I have to be at work at 5am on Tuesday mornings. Yuck! So, there are mornings when I puke in the shower, or vomit comes out my nose, or I throw up my meal as soon as I eat it. Not so awesome. But all I can do is push forward and try to make it through the day.

This past weekend, I actually started feeling HUNGRY! Like FEED ME NOW kind of hungry. It's quite a switch from the "ew, I'm nauseous and don't want any food near me" phase. I get so excited when I finish all the food on my plate! Haha! We'll see if it continues.